Skip to main content

Depression

  1. Depression latches on to every fibre of your being. It sips down to your bone marrow and it permeates through every skin pore. It has no rational thought, and does nothing but collapse into utter despair. Nothing said can even make a dent on the crushing weight of hopelessness. It is a powerful reminder of the truth behind loneliness. Why do I think this way? Why am I the only one feeling this way? Am I crazy? Why do I feel so much? Why aren't the things that make other people happy making me happy? You question your own sanity to the extent that you would much rather die than to continue to live in the dark abyss that exists inside your head. The irony being that the most humane way to get any semblance of relief/peace is by ridding yourself of the burden of life. And you always know and see the ripple effect of how your mind works/how you relate to the world, because you see the people around you slowly die inside everyday trying save you from yourself. Always feeling like a spectator...Never quite fitting in. It's a lonely, and hard journey trying to convince yourself everyday that maybe there is a point to all of this. Always waking up and tackling the day with nothing but hope and a prayer. And yes. People will want to get involved, to advise...to try and help. But what good are reassurances coming from someone who will never really understand the depth of feeling like a living deficit? I cannot begin to adequately explain this most primal, gut-wrenching sadness. So yes, I know what it feels like to want to end it all.


Every breath is a victory.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Do you remember

Do you remember when voices from the past called me to your side Do you remember when both our heartbeats were the toughest to hide Do you remember when you called me a gift because to you time had never been too kind Do you remember when you said my stubbornness was my strength and not a weakness Do you remember the holes we patched over like a seasoned seamstress Do you remember when you touched me and it felt so good I couldn't imagine how I had existed with so much less Do you remember when we got home and all you wanted to see was my body underneath that dress Do you remember when you whispered love and chuckled like you were new to this Do you remember when our eyes met and it was as natural as coming up for a kiss Do you remember when you made me laugh until my belly was sore Do you remember when you promised you wanted to give me all that and more Do you remember when the cancer started to grow Do you remember when we started fighting and we didn't even know...
2 comments
Read more

AURORA, DEATH AND BEAUTY

The gentle and rhythmic hum of the train soothed Aurora into a dull lull. As she peered through the carriage window, with one eye open- a picturesque field of grass spanning as far as the eye can see steadily came into view. What a beautiful and vast kind of nothingness she thought to herself. While others would have seen this and raveled in the beauty of nature and life. She instead saw the endlessness that is an affliction on all living things. We live, we die so others can live and die. The pointlessness of it all. Caught off-guard by the often absentminded straying of her thoughts, she shook her head violently to her left as if to wake herself from that dark place she knew all too well. Looking down at hands that were cradling shaky knees, she pulled up the right sleeve of a worn-out winter sweater. The grey stitches were starting to venture out and free loose thread that swayed along to the beat of the train. Aurora took one long breath in, closed her eyes altogether and mastere...
2 comments
Read more

Prescriptions

Outbreaks of ominous sirens  Concentrated in corrugated iron ridges  Erectly cradled in water rusted discoveries  Publicly seeded in the devastation of black soil  Spitting busted grapes  A tornado of the rotten blowing torrent winds at cotton fibres  There's fear amongst the stiffly practiced  There's fear in the corroded defence of fan folded ton gues of serpents freely looting streams of lost words adrift in a heaven devout of faith My afterbirth is lost in the placenta of thought These umbilical cords wrapped around my head Crowned my temple in life symbolic Fingering circles in amniotic fluid Painting reproductions courtesy of stark silences Strangers to closed stores Stock taking emotion but the inspiration is free And the failure?? Absolutely gorgeous Ridding lite flares They rival us to fireworks Mingled reassurances Bless them for being wise enough to look away Like down town streets flowering rooms with crack pipes Gasp at the audacity You'...
Post a Comment
Read more