Depression

1. Depression latches on to every fibre of your being. It sips down to your bone marrow and it permeates through every skin pore. It has no rational thought, and does nothing but collapse into utter despair. Nothing said can even make a dent on the crushing weight of hopelessness. It is a powerful reminder of the truth behind loneliness. Why do I think this way? Why am I the only one feeling this way? Am I crazy? Why do I feel so much? Why aren't the things that make other people happy making me happy? You question your own sanity to the extent that you would much rather die than to continue to live in the dark abyss that exists inside your head. The irony being that the most humane way to get any semblance of relief/peace is by ridding yourself of the burden of life. And you always know and see the ripple effect of how your mind works/how you relate to the world, because you see the people around you slowly die inside everyday trying save you from yourself. Always feeling like a spectator...Never quite fitting in. It's a lonely, and hard journey trying to convince yourself everyday that maybe there is a point to all of this. Always waking up and tackling the day with nothing but hope and a prayer. And yes. People will want to get involved, to advise...to try and help. But what good are reassurances coming from someone who will never really understand the depth of feeling like a living deficit? I cannot begin to adequately explain this most primal, gut-wrenching sadness. So yes, I know what it feels like to want to end it all.

Every breath is a victory.